Welcome to bridge purgatory. Face masks are required, not for health reasons but to avoid being recognized for your past bridge mistakes. This may be the turning point of your life! Either straighten up and return to the bridge world, or transcend to the other side. Don’t worry; there is life on the other side, but you won’t be allowed to touch a deck of cards ever.
As South, you will declare 6 NT four times. But wait! Scoring is not the usual IMPs or matchpoints, or even total points. This will be the ultimate make-it-or-else scoring, called plus or fishfood. Either guarantee a plus score, or you’ll go swimming — in a tank filled with piranha! And those little buggers are hungry. Trust me! I’ve already lost two fingers just preparing this page.
Choose your play on each problem then click “Score Me” to see how you did. Following the quiz are explanations from the six survivors. That’s right; only six made it out so far. Good luck — or stick around for dinner!
Quit
Nicholas Greer: Finesse the J at trick two. If it loses, I have two spades, three hearts, three diamonds and four clubs, and can untangle them on any return. If the J wins, cash the A, cross to dummy with a second club and lead the Q; again, opponents cannot tangle my entries.
Wojciech Papuga: Take the heart finesse. Playing A, J is no good, because a spade switch now ruins the communication.
Grant Peacock: Duck the heart (queen wins). On any return (if a heart pitch a club) win A, A-K and A-K. If one defender guards both minors, win K-Q (pitch diamond), Q and finish hearts pitching a spade. If each defender guards one minor, win Q, Q and finish hearts pitching a diamond.
Sherman Yuen: Duck the first trick, then win A, A-K, K-A and A (pitch clubs). Either one of the minor suits break, or a simple squeeze in the minors, or a double squeeze with spades as the common suit.
Nick Jacob: Win Q, K-Q and K, then lose a diamond (pitch heart). Win A, A (pitch heart), A, and finally K throwing spade if not yet good. This will yield a count to reveal one defender who cannot hold four clubs.
Nicholas Greer: Unblock diamonds, return to hand in spades, then duck a diamond throwing a heart. If a diamond comes back, throw another heart. Now cash spade, A and remaining heart(s) discarding a spade if it isn’t good. Now only one opponent can guard clubs. Important to cash A before the last heart.
Nicholas’s last sentence is the crux of the problem. You do not want to reach this ending:
On the A West follows with the last diamond, you pitch the spade from dummy, and East copies with the last spade. Now either defender could guard clubs, and you cannot tell which. But if South could lead the A instead (having won the A before) there is a lock: If East follows, he cannot guard clubs; if East pitches his spade, he must have all clubs.
While no matter at “plus or fishfood,” in actual play declarer should cash the K (or Q) early. This does not affect flexibility in clubs and might expose a stiff J (or void) to ensure 12 tricks and be playing for 13 if spades break.
Charles Blair: Win the A, Q, A and Q. [Assume a show-out in both suits, else claim.] 1. If four clubs and 5+ spades in one hand, lose a heart to partner, then a simple squeeze. 2. If West holds spades and East clubs, win the K then lose a club [to endplay East]. 3. If West holds clubs and East spades, run the 10, then a double squeeze after discarding a club on the K.
Grant Peacock: Win the A, Q and duck a spade. After any return, win the Q. If one defender has four clubs and 5+ spades, run hearts then diamonds to squeeze him. If the black-suit stoppers are split, cash all black-suit winners, K and A; then if neither the 7 nor 3 is good, hearts must run.
This was not a good problem, as it has multiple solutions. My plan was to win the Q and Q then run the 10. When it loses, East cannot attack diamonds, so next win the Q, A and A to reveal who guards clubs. Next lead the K to reveal who (if either) can guard spades, resulting in a simple squeeze if the same defender, else a double squeeze with threats: 7, 3 and 8 (common). This is 100 percent… but, so are the above.
Indeed, there’s more than one way to skin a cat.* Charles’s line is best in actual play, because it reveals a 3-2 club break immediately, then he’d be playing for seven at no risk; whereas my line may lose a trick unnecessarily, and Grant’s line always loses a trick.
*Um… as for skinning cats, I’d be afraid of a guy who knows even one way.
Congratulations to Nick Jacob, who was first of the six survivors, ranked below by date-time of entry. Nick is only a recent participant, with several other high placings before this first win.
Predictably, the locations of the top four survivors all end in “Land.”The secret to avoid being fishfood of course is to stay on land!
Sherman Yuen: On Problem 1 it felt like the spot cards were the fishfood.Or were they dried smoked fish? Either way, I hope they weren’t your fingers!
Charles Blair: The Game is Afoot — again!
Ah, he remembers, but the piranha are meaner now after 18 years in captivity.
Grant Peacock: At this form of scoring I would bid every hand to one notrump, not six.
Nick Jacob: Does the 250-character limit refer to the number of piranha in the tank?
No, the number of victims. So far I’ve tossed 247 characters (would-be bridge players) into the tank.Three more is the limit. Will I retire then? Nope… I’ll buy another tank.
© 2018 Richard Pavlicek
by Richard Pavlicek by Richard Pavlicek