Almost Bridge 7F68 Main
The Acronymphomaniacs
by Richard PavlicekAlmost Bridge 7F68 Main |
| by Richard Pavlicek |
The atmosphere was tense as the final session of the North American Pair Trials got under way. Duke Dropem and Babs D’Lady were in second place, only 7 points out of the lead.
Duke was a bridge professional; and Babs, a wealthy socialite who paid him big bucks to be her partner in tournaments. Even so, word by the grapevine is that Duke would play for free as long as Babs wore a low-cut blouse.
On the first round Duke and Babs were pitted against the leaders, a pair of wacky brunettes they had never seen before. One glance at their convention card made Babs nervous — over 100 conventions, all listed by acronyms. She recognized a few — JTB, FSF and NMF — but the rest were Greek, so she hoped nothing would come up.
On Board 1, Duke opened 1 NT and East overcalled two hearts. “Alert!” interjected West, “That’s DONT.”
“Don’t what?” inquired Babs, “I haven’t even bid yet.”
“No, my partner’s bid is DONT, a convention to show the majors.”
“In that case, I don’t think she’s gonna make it,” Babs answered abruptly. “I double!”
Almost simultaneously, West redoubled. “Alert!” chimed East, “That’s SOS.”
“You’re gonna need more than that,” warned Babs, “like a truckload of paramedics.”
| North deals |  J 10 9 | West | North | East | South | |
| None vul |  A K 4 3 | Wacko1 | Duke | Wacko2 | Babs | |
 9 6 3 | 1 NT | 2 | Dbl | |||
 A K 6 | Rdbl | Pass | 2 | 3
| ||
| 8 7 2 |  | A K Q 6 4 | Pass | 4 | Pass | Pass |
| 2 | 8 7 6 5 | Pass | ||||
| Q J 5 4 | 8 7 2
| |||||
| J 9 8 7 5 | 10
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| 5 3
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| Q J 10 9
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| A K 10
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| 4 South | Q 4 3 2 | |||||
Duke passed and East ran to 2 . Babs started to think (she’ll try anything once) and remembered what Duke said about bidding stoppers. “Three hearts!” she said triumphantly, expecting Duke to bid 3 NT with spades stopped; but Duke raised to 4 , and Babs had to play it!
West led the spade seven. “Alert!” clamored wacko East, “That’s MUD.”
“Say what?” Babs retorted, “You bimbos play dirty, too?”
“No, you airhead. From three small we play middle-up-down.”
| 4 South | J 10 9 | Trick | Lead | 2nd | 3rd | 4th | |
| A K 4 3 | 1. W | 7 | 9 | Q | 3 | ||
| 9 6 3 | 2. E | 10 | 2 | 5 | K | ||
| A K 6 | 3. N | 10 | K | 5 | 8 | ||
| 8 7 2 |  | A K Q 6 4 | 4. E | 7 | A | 5 | 3 |
| 2 | 8 7 6 5 | 5. S | Q | 2 | 3 | 5 | |
| Q J 5 4 | 8 7 2 | 6. S | J | 7 | 4 | 6 | |
| J 9 8 7 5 | 10 | 7. S | 9 | 4 | K | 7 | |
| 5 3 | continued below… | ||||||
| Q J 10 9
| |||||||
| A K 10
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| Q 4 3 2 | |||||||
East won the Q and shifted to her stiff club, which Babs won in dummy with the king. Babs gave up a second spade, and East returned the diamond seven.
“Alert!” said West, “That’s MUD, too.”
“Damn sure will be!” Babs muttered, “like both of you tarts after this hand.”
Babs won the A and drew three rounds of trumps ending in dummy to reach the ending below. Babs next called for the J, East covered, and Babs ruffed with the 10 — or so she thought! With all the excitement, Babs accidentally pulled out the diamond 10. Immediately, she tried to correct it.
| win 5 | J | Trick | Lead | 2nd | 3rd | 4th | |
| A | 8. N | J | A | 10* | 2 | ||
| 9 6 | *meant to ruff with 10
| ||||||
| A 6
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| 2 | | A 6 4
| |||||
| — | 8
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| Q J | 8 2
| ||||||
| J 9 8 | —
| ||||||
| —
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| 10
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| K 10
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| North leads | Q 4 3 | ||||||
“Not so fast!” interrupted the wacko West.
“You can’t change your play after you show everyone the card. Let’s get the DIC.”
“What’s that?” asked Babs, “a dictionary?”
“No, you flake, it’s the Director in Charge. We need a ruling.”
Moments later the DIC arrives, and they explain what happened. He opens his rulebook and reads aloud Law 45C, defining a “played card” by declarer as being “touching or nearly touching the table.”
“Yes, it was.” confirmed West.
“No, it wasn’t!” Babs refuted. “It was an inch away, which is not nearly touching.”
The DIC deliberated, “This seems a borderline case, and I’m not sure of the exact definition. Wait a moment while I discuss this with the Head Director in Charge.”
One minute later the HDIC arrives and offers his condolences, “I’m sorry, Babs, but guidelines in the Director’s Manual consider one inch to be nearly touching, so I have to rule against you. The diamond 10 is a played card.”
“Thank you, sir,” acknowledged West in a sugar-coated voice.
“Yes, thank you,” echoed East. “You really know your stuff.”
“Of course!” Babs grumbled, irritated by the whole scene.
“What other ruling would we expect from a DIC Head.”
East was awarded the disputed trick with the A, leaving this position:
| win 5 | — | Trick | Lead | 2nd | 3rd | 4th | |
| A | 9. E | 2 | K | J | 6 | ||
| 9 6 | 10. S | 10 | ? | ||||
| A 6 | West is squeezed | ||||||
| — | | 6 4
| |||||
| — | 8
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| Q J | 8 2
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| J 9 8 | —
| ||||||
| —
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| 10
| |||||||
| K
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| East leads | Q 4 3 | ||||||
East returned a diamond to the king, and Babs led her last trump to dummy’s ace. West was squeezed! If she pitched her last diamond, dummy’s nine would be good; so she let go a club, and Babs won the last three tricks in clubs.
It soon became apparent that Babs had found the only way to succeed. If she had ruffed the spade as intended, she would have to fail; but the accidental discard left the defense without recourse. Because of this fateful result, Duke and Babs won the event!
Two weeks later Duke Dropem wrote up the deal in his Sunday bridge column, where he proposed a name for this unusual play technique. Duke dubbed it the “Babs Anti-Ruff Exit And Strip Squeeze,” but we all know it today by its acronym, BAREASS.
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© 2000 Richard Pavlicek