Once upon a midnight Drury, sitting East distraught with furyOer many a quaint and curious lead, deserving of a minus score.As I nodded nearly napping, trumps he leads instead of tapping.Then it happened to my horror, suits I bid he leads no more.Is he void? I pondered truly. If not my suit, cerebral core?Only this, and nothing more.
Ah, distinctly I remember, a brainless West I could dismemberAs each dreadful opening lead, sent grief no one could eer ignore.Eagerly I wished the morrow. Take me from this pain and sorrow!Then the moron started clapping, laughing, dancing on the floor.Tis bridge in Hell! I shouted madly, racing to the chamber door.Fritzed again, but nevermore!
Welcome! Youre just in time for the good news! Alas, and some bad news.
The good news: If you play just six boards, your partner will cherish you forever.The bad news: Your partner is Fritz, and even worse, hes on lead!
Try to salvage what you can after Fritz makes a horrible opening lead. As East, choose your defense from the six options listed. Each option will be rated on a 1-to-10 scale per my judgment.
Bidding is standard unless noted. For a reference see Standard American Bridge.Assume declarer is an expert. Fritz is a moron but assume he wont do anything stupid after his opening lead.
In October 2007 these six problems were presented as a contest with 636 entrants from 109 locations. The contest is now closed, but you can still quiz yourself and find your score immediately. If youre lucky, you might win a valuable prize.*
*First prize is a one-week stay with Fritz at the Raven Inn. Second prize is two weeks. Third, three weeks.Winners must be at least 18 years of age and gormless. Offer void where permitted by law.
Warning! What you are about to witness is disturbing and not for the faint of heart.
If youre a pregnant mother or have a cardiac condition, leave now!
Your next lead? 4 J 2 J 5 Q
Your defense?A. Win A, lead QB. Win A, lead 8C. Lead the QD. Lead 8, if wins then AE. Lead 8, if wins then QF. Lead 8, if wins then 7
Note: If you lead a spade, Fritz follows with the 2.
Your next lead? A 3 10 2 K J
For once, Fritz doesnt lose a trick with his lead! Your defense?A. Win A, lead 8B. Win A, lead 2C. Win A, lead 5D. Win A, lead JE. Win A, lead 8F. Duck (play 4)
Note: If you win the A, South plays the 2, Fritz the 6.
Your defense?A. Win A, lead QB. Win A, lead 2C. Win A, lead KD. Duck, win A, lead QE. Duck, win A, lead KF. Duck, win A, lead J
Note: Fritz follows twice in hearts.
Your defense?A. Win A, lead 9B. Win A, lead 2C. Win A, lead 2D. Win A, lead AE. Win A, lead 4F. Duck (play 2)
Note: If you win the A, Fritz plays the K.
Click to see how you did
Acknowledgments to The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe (1809-49)© 2007 Richard Pavlicek